Don't Quit!

Somedays I wake up and feel on top of the world. Other days I feel like the world is on top of me. Somedays I feel like throwing up a sign to the world saying "I QUIT". It seems the closer I get to God, the devil has a rope hooked on to me trying to pull me back into his mess.

This evening I learned a valuable lesson. After I got home from work, I had a heated debate with my eleven year old son. It seems like he is just determined to do what he wants and to me, it seems as though he doesn't have any fear of consequences for his actions. I said the words, "I give up" to him and ended the conversation. God quickly said in my spirit, "but Kelli, I haven't given up on you"! Immediately, I thought about what I was doing wrong. What is it that I am not doing right? God immediately revealed my sin, PRIDE. I was assuming that I could change him and make him a believer. I was depending on my ability to Make him do what he was suppose to do out of fear of me. That's not reality. Not one of us has control over the next one's actions, thoughts or choices. God gives us free will to decide whether or not we will do right or wrong. He will never force his will on us. I can't give up on him, solely because God put him in my hands as his caretaker. It is my job to teach him right from wrong, His word, and how to live in accordance with the bible. I am to show him by example. I admit that I am not the greatest mom on earth, but I am trying. I can not do anything with out the arm of God helping and sustaining me. It then came to me, that I CAN NOT DO ANYTHING in my own strength or power. But through Christ, I can do all things through Him that strengthens me. I had to give him over to the care of God. Only He has the power to change people, places and things. I must continually ask for God's help in this and all areas of struggle in my life. I have to remeber that our words can be either life or death. Scripture tells me that blessings and cursing should not come out of the same mouth. So I will speak victory and blessings, hope, encouragement, and wisdom into my child's life in a loving way and ask God to take over when I have reached the end of my rope.

I'm Back!!!

Have you ever had a dry spell? I mean when your thoughts were just blank. I have been in a fog for a few days now, actually since my daughter created this enourmous task for me. Now don't get me wrong, I thank God for this and any opportunity to talk about the Goodness, Grace and Mercy of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I especially am grateful for the great testimonies he has given me. I also thank God for Hillari. She is my biggest inspiration. I love to write, meditate on the Word and create new ways to encourage people, believers and non-believers.

Everyday when I wake up, (well, when God wakes me up) exactly at 3:00am. It's our personal time together, each morning. We talk, laugh, sometimes I cry, I get comforted and revelation even more than the day before. It's like I have a personal date with Jesus, every morning. I know God has a since of humor because he gives me extra time (to brush my teeth and you know, get fresh) for our time together. I have timed it, time and time again. No matter when I get up or when I finish getting ready physically and mentally, by the time I sit down to start our time together, I look at the clock and it is always, exactly 3:00am. Thank you, Lord!

I am telling you this because it has what has changed my life. I mean from the inside out! You see, I used to "frost the cake" before it was done. See the "frosting" was me putting on the weaves, make-up, wigs, etc. to cover up what I know now as hurt, shame or guilt. "The cake" is me. I was a wreck, emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I thought if I looked good on the outside, it would make feel good. It did, I must say for a while. But eventually, it stop working.

I starting a new thing before I could even look in the mirror, again. I would open up my bible and read whatever the date was, I would read the same Psalm and Proverb. I also, have been keeping a journey for the last 20 years. Eventually, I needed more and more and now, even more. I know read devotional books (at least one per week) I am now reading Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I read, study and meditate. So by the time I finish, it is time for my children to get up. That's normally about 6:00a.m. On a great day, it's 7:00a.m.

Every since, if I don't start my day with Jesus, Satan, is waiting for me before my feet hit the floor with his lies. It's what I must do in order to function from day to day. But as with life, people, things, and minds change every minute of everyday. I didn't wake up one day last week at my usual time, because I was up late watching t.v. (something not productive) and got caught up in a silly reality show and was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch. Well, I was too tired to get at 3:00am when God gave me the grace to do so. I went back to sleep. Wrong Answer... Every timeI do that, I loose a little fire, a little peep in my step, and I become lazy and it takes me a while to get back on track.

But the good news is that God is always there waiting, whenever I return. Well for now, I will end. If you hang in there and stay tuned, I promise, God will give me a word of encouragement for your circumstances. I pray that He give you enough Grace, Mercy, Peace, and Serenity until we meet again.

In Jesus Love,


KelliByGrace

INTRODUCING....

Hi Mommie!

I set up this blog account for you since you love to write and don't know where to start. Although it all started in the GREATER FAITH MISSIONARY BAPTIST CHURCH's weekly communicators this is just another branch for that you can express yourself. Goodluck with your success and remember "I'mma need for you to be on top of your game!" I love you dearly, madly and forever! And yes, you STILL GOT IT! lol
♥ your First Born Hillari

Hello World!

I have created a Blog for my Mother, Kelli for her to express herself, without any restrictions. It is for the viewing pleasure of anyone who stuggles with hurts, hang-ups or habits. She has been through many things in her lifetime and by the Grace of God, she has an awesome testimony. She has a story to tell, a lot to be grateful for, and a lot of love to give. And stay tuned to this wonderful peace of work-in-progress, this is only the beginning of her success.... introducing Kelli By Grace.